Love the term validation decay. But instead of uranium-238's billions of years I find the validation decay is usually a matter of days—a week at most. Then it's back to working on generating more content. No content, no validation. 🙂
Definitely been there done that for writing. Then again haven't we all. But this reminds me of the parallels in film where I have more skin in the game. I know relatively well to do English producers and writers (top of the indie pack) who came within weeks of production (two to be exact) with warner brothers. On what sounded like a fantastic film. Only to have it pulled at the last minute. And this was WITH concessions. They'd already taken two people off their roster because the Americans didn't like the people. They'd already stripped the film script back because initially the Americans couldn't grasp the script idea at all.
Suffice to say you do see the parallels. It feels like art is meant to be arduous.
I do hope you pickup though and something comes your way soon. The resilience you need to write and diligently rewrite is something I think maybe some members of the public do take for granted.
I also knew of another mainstream famous UK film producer. Who couldn't keep the bank loans in line (film financing is odd) to maintain production. So the film with a list actors got canned purely for that reason. Sort of wish more stories like these existed. As you often only see the successes.
I just love the term, "validation decay" and have been great friends with the feeling before I had a moniker for it. I work through these funks using a series of three interventions. First, I remind myself that I feel the way I do because I'm a fucking human being and all human beings need validation and attention and agents and publishing deals. Second, I ask myself, "Self, are you in some way contributing to this awful feeling and if so, stop doing that right now." Third, I try to find the thing that will make me feel better like baking or baking or maybe baking something. I have a friend who is a prolific artist and paints all day long six days a week. He has an inventory of work that will take decades to sell. When I asked him why he works so much he said, "I can't imagine a better way to spend my day." That's why I write. Because I can't imagine a better way to spend this day. What the world has to say about my writing, I can't control. But I can write because I'm so lucky to get to do this thing, even if it takes decades to sell something. And then I drink. I may not have mentioned that. Then I drink.
Thank you so much. I feel completely seen. I am querying my first novel, and I noticed exactly what you described: every time I get another full request, my euphoria has a shorter half life, and transmuted more quickly to angst. Good to know this is my life now. 🤣
Here's another one, Devon. Congrats on your achievements so far, which is beyond what most of us aspiring writers could have done.
I also had to remind a fellow writer who had a debut novel with a big advance that he's still the top 1-2% of all aspiring writers who ever penned a novel of that fact, and that I really enjoyed his book and he's won another fan.
In the end, sure, it'd be nice if my own fiction novel gets made into a streaming show, but the part I care most is "If this novel made a few other strangers smile, cry, and feel deeply seen at the same time", then that's all the validation I need of my writing; which was why I wrote it in the first place.
Oh my god. Thank you for writing this. I read it on the treadmill and I fear I may start crying. If I tried to quote the things I could relate to from this article, I’d end up highlighting the whole dang thing.
What really stood out to me, though, was 1) your mention of wins feeling almost embarrassing when your friends congratulate you on them 2 weeks later and 2) finding reasons to be disappointed in a win because it wasn’t literally the best thing imaginable.
My first book came out at the top of this month, and the whole time I was planning my release party, I kept thinking, “Is this stupid? It’s only a novella, after all. Not a full length novel. And it’s only digital, like, if I don’t even have physical books to sign, does anyone care?”
And today, at a coffee shop, a very sweet barista congratulated me on said book release, and inside I felt like, “Oh, man, I can’t keep milking this win. It’s time to move on.” IT’S BEEN 2.5 WEEKS!
Anyway, I’ll be referring to this essay constately. Thank you for sharing. 🤍
I am trying to train myself to milk the wins for longer! I have no idea where I got this habit of trying to shorten my own joy (some weird modesty complex?), but I can't see that it does me any good. I'm glad you went through with the release party and I hope you keep celebrating the release!!
So true, all writers and creators of all stripes, wherever they are in their writing journey, crave that validation. Having just published my first novel I know that feeling. For me, celebrating what readers are saying about my novel brings a joy greater than the number of sales, giving me the validation I need to continue with my next novel. The other thing, even more important, is the joy writing itself gives me, spending time with these characters I love and seeing how their journeys unfold. I've also gotten a lot of validation from connecting with other writers, like you, who know how hard and rewarding this publishing journey can be.
I see you and raise you. I"m NOT putting in the work and I don't know why. I know I won't get a win if I don't write but I can't seem to make myself care enough to do it. So congrats on still loving to write and more importantly, doing it this year. I love your column (new subscriber)
That always feels like such an awful paradox--where you need to keep writing in order to get a win, but you need some kind of win in order to pick yourself back up and write. I've gotten stuck there for long periods. I've never found a foolproof way to get out of those spirals.
The way it happens for me, I lose all hope of getting a win, and then I let myself off the hook and stop trying to force myself to write because what's the point, and then, somehow, weeks later, an idea comes to me and I sit down and start writing, with total indifference to whether it results in a win or not. And that gets me back on track, and I'm good for a while... until I finally get that long-desired win, and I get hooked on external validation again. It's a tough cycle!!
I have found myself using this exact language, and this was exactly the kindly shot of espresso I needed. I suppose another curative is to always be slightly behind with at least one writing project, so you've got a distraction.
Yes! I have the same approach. I try to keep enough plates spinning that I barely notice if one falls and crashes. This has the downside of making me a little manic, but I still prefer it to fixating on one project that I'm investing all my hopes in.
Love the term validation decay. But instead of uranium-238's billions of years I find the validation decay is usually a matter of days—a week at most. Then it's back to working on generating more content. No content, no validation. 🙂
Definitely been there done that for writing. Then again haven't we all. But this reminds me of the parallels in film where I have more skin in the game. I know relatively well to do English producers and writers (top of the indie pack) who came within weeks of production (two to be exact) with warner brothers. On what sounded like a fantastic film. Only to have it pulled at the last minute. And this was WITH concessions. They'd already taken two people off their roster because the Americans didn't like the people. They'd already stripped the film script back because initially the Americans couldn't grasp the script idea at all.
Suffice to say you do see the parallels. It feels like art is meant to be arduous.
I do hope you pickup though and something comes your way soon. The resilience you need to write and diligently rewrite is something I think maybe some members of the public do take for granted.
I also knew of another mainstream famous UK film producer. Who couldn't keep the bank loans in line (film financing is odd) to maintain production. So the film with a list actors got canned purely for that reason. Sort of wish more stories like these existed. As you often only see the successes.
I just love the term, "validation decay" and have been great friends with the feeling before I had a moniker for it. I work through these funks using a series of three interventions. First, I remind myself that I feel the way I do because I'm a fucking human being and all human beings need validation and attention and agents and publishing deals. Second, I ask myself, "Self, are you in some way contributing to this awful feeling and if so, stop doing that right now." Third, I try to find the thing that will make me feel better like baking or baking or maybe baking something. I have a friend who is a prolific artist and paints all day long six days a week. He has an inventory of work that will take decades to sell. When I asked him why he works so much he said, "I can't imagine a better way to spend my day." That's why I write. Because I can't imagine a better way to spend this day. What the world has to say about my writing, I can't control. But I can write because I'm so lucky to get to do this thing, even if it takes decades to sell something. And then I drink. I may not have mentioned that. Then I drink.
Thank you so much. I feel completely seen. I am querying my first novel, and I noticed exactly what you described: every time I get another full request, my euphoria has a shorter half life, and transmuted more quickly to angst. Good to know this is my life now. 🤣
Here's another one, Devon. Congrats on your achievements so far, which is beyond what most of us aspiring writers could have done.
I also had to remind a fellow writer who had a debut novel with a big advance that he's still the top 1-2% of all aspiring writers who ever penned a novel of that fact, and that I really enjoyed his book and he's won another fan.
In the end, sure, it'd be nice if my own fiction novel gets made into a streaming show, but the part I care most is "If this novel made a few other strangers smile, cry, and feel deeply seen at the same time", then that's all the validation I need of my writing; which was why I wrote it in the first place.
Oh my god. Thank you for writing this. I read it on the treadmill and I fear I may start crying. If I tried to quote the things I could relate to from this article, I’d end up highlighting the whole dang thing.
What really stood out to me, though, was 1) your mention of wins feeling almost embarrassing when your friends congratulate you on them 2 weeks later and 2) finding reasons to be disappointed in a win because it wasn’t literally the best thing imaginable.
My first book came out at the top of this month, and the whole time I was planning my release party, I kept thinking, “Is this stupid? It’s only a novella, after all. Not a full length novel. And it’s only digital, like, if I don’t even have physical books to sign, does anyone care?”
And today, at a coffee shop, a very sweet barista congratulated me on said book release, and inside I felt like, “Oh, man, I can’t keep milking this win. It’s time to move on.” IT’S BEEN 2.5 WEEKS!
Anyway, I’ll be referring to this essay constately. Thank you for sharing. 🤍
I am trying to train myself to milk the wins for longer! I have no idea where I got this habit of trying to shorten my own joy (some weird modesty complex?), but I can't see that it does me any good. I'm glad you went through with the release party and I hope you keep celebrating the release!!
"Chase effort, not outcome." <--- Words to live by, in writing and most other endeavors.
So true, all writers and creators of all stripes, wherever they are in their writing journey, crave that validation. Having just published my first novel I know that feeling. For me, celebrating what readers are saying about my novel brings a joy greater than the number of sales, giving me the validation I need to continue with my next novel. The other thing, even more important, is the joy writing itself gives me, spending time with these characters I love and seeing how their journeys unfold. I've also gotten a lot of validation from connecting with other writers, like you, who know how hard and rewarding this publishing journey can be.
I see you and raise you. I"m NOT putting in the work and I don't know why. I know I won't get a win if I don't write but I can't seem to make myself care enough to do it. So congrats on still loving to write and more importantly, doing it this year. I love your column (new subscriber)
That always feels like such an awful paradox--where you need to keep writing in order to get a win, but you need some kind of win in order to pick yourself back up and write. I've gotten stuck there for long periods. I've never found a foolproof way to get out of those spirals.
The way it happens for me, I lose all hope of getting a win, and then I let myself off the hook and stop trying to force myself to write because what's the point, and then, somehow, weeks later, an idea comes to me and I sit down and start writing, with total indifference to whether it results in a win or not. And that gets me back on track, and I'm good for a while... until I finally get that long-desired win, and I get hooked on external validation again. It's a tough cycle!!
I have found myself using this exact language, and this was exactly the kindly shot of espresso I needed. I suppose another curative is to always be slightly behind with at least one writing project, so you've got a distraction.
Yes! I have the same approach. I try to keep enough plates spinning that I barely notice if one falls and crashes. This has the downside of making me a little manic, but I still prefer it to fixating on one project that I'm investing all my hopes in.